"There are very few original ideas." What a blasphemous utterance! Am I not aware that cellphone screens can now fold in half like compact makeup cases? I must've been too busy Instagramming photos of my lunch to pick it up on Tik Tok. If you're ticked because you don't know what I am tŏking about, … Continue reading Original Thoughts
Kill all cows. A simple solution to a multi-faceted problem. We have too many cows on this planet. There are the ones we provide vacancy for on acres of torched rainforest. There are the ones whose poop flows into the Mississippi. And there are the land behemoths that roam the aisles of our Wal-Marts. The … Continue reading Kill All Cows
"Let food be thy medicine." Hippocrates
The word, "retarded", has become dated and is considered "usually offensive". Well, I don't give a flying fuck because it is part of my regular parlance and I happen to like it just the way it is. But only when used on a deserving bi-ped. Being a "usually offensive" adjective (by Merriam-Webster's own definition), I … Continue reading Shockingly Retarded
Donning a screen-printed T with the message, "Santa ain't real" I grab my megaphone and head over to the shopping mall. I've steeled myself against the backlash I will receive, including any eviscerations from you people in the comment section. I'm heading to the most unholy den of sin. The shopping mall. Where scantily clad … Continue reading Telling Kids There is No Santa
My baby is not going to come to full term. As was the case with the black man eating ice cream on his couch, my baby is about to receive a parabellum from a white police lady. But I don't need you to apply pressure to the wound. I just need a hug and a … Continue reading I’m Having an Abortion
Can a computer analyze a human's tone? You be the judge.