Do You Want To See My Vacation Photos?

Good question. But first I have some questions for you:

  • What year is it?
    • This is important. If we are living in the pre-mid-2000s then I might be interested. Taking photos back then was still somewhat cost-prohibitive.  Having to buy multiple rolls of film and then have them developed made it less likely that you would snap a shot unless it was really worth capturing. Another nice thing about this time period was that the selfie stick wasn’t invented yet.
  • How thick is that binder you have there?
    • This is where the LLI kicks in.  I’m analyzing your binder like I’m a T-1000 scanning the environment for John Connor (so many 4×6 prints per page, so many pages per inch, times 2 for double-sided).  “Holy Shit!  You’ve got 500 prints there!”
  • How long is the average anecdote per photo?
    • We open the binder to the first page. You begin my virtual tour of the cruise you just took.  I will be expected to listen to a detailed account of each photo.  You begin, “Oh, this is great.  See that guy behind us in line to board the cruise.  This guy was so interesting.  He has actually traveled to 100 different countries.  He’s a geologist.  His name is John.  That’s his wife, Martha.  Their kids are grown now.  They actually have a place up in the Hamptons.  Here is the interesting part.  They are on their second honeymoon…”  My LLI is back.  I am doing some mental math (5 minutes per anecdote times 500 pictures.  That is 2500 minutes.  Divide that by 60 minutes in an hour.  That is 41.6 hours.  Wow, this is going to take a day and a half.
  • How many binders do you have?
    • A family member pulled this little trick on me once.  She pulled out a binder and I did my analysis.  I thought, “This is going to be excruciating, but I’ll be polite.  I’ll listen and inject the odd question to show interest.  We should be through these in a couple of hours.”  So I sat quietly and we got through the binder.  Relieved, I sat back and let out a sigh of relaxation at the feat of patience I just accomplished.  That’s when she reached down and said, “Great.  That was China.  Now we just have two more binders, Vietnam and Thailand.”

It can be trying to look at the adventures you’ve had on the tenth vacation you’ve had in as many years.  Especially when I haven’t been anywhere fun since 2008.  You’re down in the Dominican sipping on Ron Punch while I’m stuck here on the Ice Planet Hoth.

So before you subject your loved ones to the epic saga of ingesting however many photos a 512 gigabyte SD card can hold, remember, your vacation will never be as interesting to a third party as it is to you.

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