Dolly Parton’s Breasts.
When someone says Dolly Parton, I think of breasts. I’m not a country music fan, what can I say? All I really know about Dolly Parton is that she has great big tits. For me personally, her name is synonymous with double D’s.
If you’re one of my millions of followers, reading this award-winning blog while you sip your morning coffee, how outraged should you be by what you just read?
My opinion: Not at all.
Sometimes I’m guilty of looking for news stories about people getting outraged over nothing so that I can get outraged over nothing. It’s like going on Donald Trump’s Instagram page and reading the comments. It’s probably not healthy for me but I do it anyway.
The thing I have noticed as I get older is that topics and situations I grew up with that were always okay are now potential no-nos. Like singing “Baby It’s Cold Outside”. Or the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld. Or saying that someone who is balanced on a skateboard, at the top of a staircase, about to wipe out and slam his balls on the handrail, is a fucking retard…
…or talking about Parton’s breasts.
The day after Dolly Parton’s Grammy performance, the men of The Today Show were in hot water in the media for making “crude” and “disgusting” comments about Dolly Parton’s boobs. Put your earmuffs on kids. Here come the actual quotes, straight from the locker room:
“She is age defying and gravity defying.”
“Seeing those two on stage, I thought, was fantastic… and Miley of course,”
Shocking stuff. Hardly in the “grab her by the pussy” category of what one might consider really disgusting. Look, Dolly Parton has been poking fun of her own breasts during interviews for as long as I can remember. Just like Jay Leno pokes fun at his own chin. Just like Kim Kardashian pokes fun at her own enormous ass.
Outrage has become too convenient. In my day, if you were offended, you couldn’t just sit there in your pyjamas and tweet about it.
First, you would have to gauge the situation; decide how worked up you actually were. That’s where your lifelong friends would come in. They would be your compass as to what direction to go with your incensement. One might say to a buddy, “Hey man, did you hear what Tom Steinfort said about Dolly Parton’s breasts? I’m going to make a sign and march on down to NBC’s head office to protest.”
He would probably say, “Really dude? That seems a little extreme.”
And he would be right. It is extreme. But sending a tweet – any thirteen-year-old with an iPhone can do that. It’s laziness, pure and simple.
The truth is I don’t even think this is a real story. It’s another distraction. While we are fretting over the utterances of The Today Show hosts, the real news is happening in the background, and I can guarantee it bears a lot more to get outraged about than Dolly’s Double Ds.