Brie Wheel

“In our last session, you mentioned a traumatic experience involving a wheel of Brie, but we ran out of time. Would you care to share that now?”

“I can’t. It’s too disturbing.”

“Maybe we could try a word association. When you think of the incident, just tell me the first word that comes to mind.”

He was digging now. Trying to peel back my defences like the layers of the onion.

“Look, Doc. You weren’t there, okay? Have you ever seen two woman go at a baked Brie before,” I demanded.

“No. No, I have never seen that, but I did walk in on my wife with a bag of Doritos.”

He was trying to empathize with me. Was he feeding me a bullshit story? I probed him on details, “What flavour?”

“Sweet Chilli Heat.”

His response was too quick to be fabricated and his body language was sound, unless of course, his story about his wife was premeditated.

I wanted more detail. “And..,” I asked.

He was on the ball. “I really think our time here would be better served if we discussed you, not me.”

I looked up at the clock. Ten minutes into an hour long session. I wasn’t going to run the timer down this time.

“Alright Doc. You wanna know. One word that describes what I saw. Ravenous. They were rav-en-ous. I’m talking like starving animal ravenous.”

I continued, “Us men were next door. You know, just having a few beers. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome. Decided to call it an early night. I said goodnight and walked back to my house.”

“Go on…”

“As I entered the house there was the immediate stench of Brie. It was overpowering, like wet socks. The house was warm. I knew the oven had been on. I had this premonition of what I was walking into.”

I was starting to shake a little. The psychologist took a step in my direction, “It’s okay. Please, continue.”

“There they were, with the Brie baker between them. There was a gaping hole where the cheese had been punctured by the Melba toast when it was still warm. It was cool now, and their steely knives dug into the play-dough-like cheese.”

I shuddered at the thought of the ladies smacking their lips. The sound of their mouth-breathing still gnawed at my eardrums.

“They were applying the cheese to the crackers, but it had congealed too much. Some of the crackers were breaking under the pressure. Crumbs were everywhere. Their hands moved jerkily to pick up the pieces, like a sparrow bobbing its head to pluck seeds from the sidewalk.”

“That’s when they heard me enter the room. They turned. Their debauchery was fully realized. Grease-laden faces of guilt stared back at me. My stomach lurched as I contemplated the horrific scene.”

The Doctor had taken another step closer. I put my head on his shoulder and wept.

7 thoughts on “Brie Wheel

  1. 😂😂😂😂😂how is it I never discovered you before today, OMG!!

    BTW, I hate Brie ever since some crazy person decided the flavors of turkey, Apple, and the pungent cheese would meld on a sandwich. Who does that?!😖 I took a bite of that sandwich and my tastebuds were scarred for life. 🤢🤢🤢

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my gosh. So many thoughts.

    First of all, Brie is disgusting!

    I say this not to impress you. I am sure I could engage in appalling gluttony with some other substance that would end up costing just as much in therapy.

    But I remember the first time I got a chance to try baked Brie. I was all excited because it is a well-known gourmet food, plus it was coated in pastry, and who doesn’t like that? Anyway … well. The warmth, the texture, the taste … all very … odd.

    I’ve had similar experiences with caviar and oysters. I guess it is too late to fix my redneck taste buds.

    When I first saw the title of this post, I thought it was going to be a reference to the cheese wheel scene at the end of Box Trolls. Do not watch it, you will be scarred for life.

    Finally, this might be a coincidence, but I just finished a nice, light little book based on the series Monk … and his scenes with his shrink look so much like the one in this post … could the two of you be related?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t seen Monk or Box Trolls, but I might have to look up the cheese wheel scene now. I used to watch the Sopranos, though, and it had some recurring psychiatrist scenes.

      I don’t mind the taste of Brie, but I’m not into making a meal out of it. I don’t mind oysters if they’re smoked. Not a huge caviar fan.

      Liked by 1 person

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