Have you heard about bad, bad, Leroy Brown? He messed with the wrong man and when they pulled him off the floor he “Looked like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone”.
Music is not your thing? How about physics? Do you think physicists will ever publish a theory that unites Gravity with the Weak Nuclear, Strong Nuclear, and Electromagnetic forces? Maybe if they just had the missing pieces. Do you have the number for CERN? Maybe they already figured it out while we were looking at cat pictures.
Past events. Did O.J. really kill Nicole and Ron? If only the prosecution had the missing puzzle pieces to prove his guilt. That’s a joke, folks. They had a whole box of pieces and ultimately the majority of people, black and white, were convinced of his guilt. That doesn’t mean we have a complete puzzle. I would say only O.J. knows what happened that night, but unfortunately, he is not working with a full puzzle either.
The J.F.K. assassination. Does anyone think we have the full picture of that event? Not all of the pieces fit. 9/11. Not all of the pieces fit. Ancient monolithic structures. The literal pieces fit too nicely, and thus we have more puzzles to solve.
Oh my GAWD, what is this post about?
Puzzles, dummy. Couldn’t you tell from the title and all the puzzle references?
Of all the escape rooms, jigsaw puzzles, and unsolved mysteries, I have never encountered a puzzle greater than the puzzle of why. Why the hell? Why the fuck? Why, why, why, why?
It’s like I have been given a 1,000 piece puzzle with 976 pieces and told to make it look pretty. How can an INTJ-T (the T is for turbulent, can you tell?) stand back and look at a “jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone” and feel contentment?
Enter belief systems. Belief systems are like the drugs they give you when you go to the dentist. Even though someone just put his foot into your chest and ripped out your molars, you still feel great. You feel so great that you’ll let anyone with a cellphone camera film you and put you up on YouTube. Like the kid waking from the anesthetic, believers will tell you everything you want to know. They will give you the missing 24 puzzle pieces if you will only have the patience to listen.
What if you’re so skeptical that you don’t believe the belief systems? That gets messy. Your puzzle starts to turn into a Salvador Dali, all droopy and distorted:
Here are three of my favourite systems designed to solve the puzzle once and for all:
- Religion. Even though there are so many different religions, they all seem to profess the same idea. A diety (or deities) more powerful than us have everything under control and if we do what they say we can avoid something bad and get something good. It’s like Santa, except instead of toys he gives out virgins. Chilling out upstairs in the land of Sapphires, eating candy canes for eternity sounds kind of boring, so my search continues…
- Reincarnation. This one intrigues me. I actually think there is a teensy-tiny bit of evidence to support this one, but since there is so much fake news out there, I have no clue. Having given it some thought, my mind always correlates reincarnation back to the “standard model” of religion. Heaven and hell. If you’re good, you’ll get reincarnated as a lion, if you’re bad, a penguin.
- The Simulation Theory. We’re all living in a simulation. Like the movie, The Matrix. It stands to reason that if we’re building more and more realistic simulations here on earth now, eventually we will build one so realistic that it will be indistinguishable from reality. Once we can do that, it stands to reason that we would keep doing it (because that’s what humans do), and thus there would be one reality and multiple simulated realities. If this already happened in the past, then there would be one reality and who-the-hell-knows how many simulated realities. With the number of simulated realities far outweighing the number of realities, then odds are, we’re in one of the simulations. Once again, this theory has swung back to the concepts in typical religion. God as the simulation creator, and us as the components of the simulation.
They are all the same solution to the same puzzle, but the puzzle can never be complete unless you stop thinking about it. The moment you apply critical thinking and logic to it, it falls apart. That’s why the happiest people I know tell me to, “Stop thinking so damn much!”
Imagine, like Methuselah, you live to be 969 years old. Will you have solved the puzzle? Probably not. Will you be content? I don’t know, but I think that going to Great Wolf Lodge and listening to pop music would have got pretty fucking boring by then.
So you’re super bored after 969 years. You’ve tinkered in all of life’s weird perversions like bestiality and injecting shit into your lips. You could pull a K.C. and put the old shotty in the mouth. Roll the reincarnation dice and hope you come back as Charlize Theron and not Charlize Theron’s kid. Unfortunately for you, if that’s the wrong belief system you might end up roasting marshmallows with Adolf down in the no-no place.
Like a 1,000 piece puzzle with only 976 pieces, this post is a very incomplete representation of what it was meant to be. Like Methuselah, I am getting pretty frustrated trying to figure it all out.
That is why I want to know what y’all think. We don’t really say y’all up here but I’m starting to like the way it sounds(See, Black Sheep isn’t always negative about everything, eh?).
So, if you have the time I’d love to hear your thoughts:
It’s a big question, but does anyone out there have a belief system that fills in the missing pieces?