I took a day off from writing yesterday. That’s okay, it will all be worthwhile today as I will reveal to you the meaning of life.
It’s not my idea. It’s not a new idea. It’s a very old idea. It’s even in The Bible.
The Bible? Which version? There are so many. You’ve got The American Standard Version, The King James Version, The New International Version…
Wikipedia has a nice list of English Translations of the Bible. This list reads longer than Genesis 5 and will put you to sleep faster than counting sheep.
Let’s use the New International Version (or NIV for all you LOLers out there). If you were so lucky as to be in Alabama last week for the presidential tornado survivors visit, take out your autographed Trump Bible and turn to this verse:
Matthew 7:12 – So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Also known as The Golden Rule. If there’s one thing in the Good Book that actually makes sense, it is this.
I wonder if anyone else throughout history came up with the same principle. Let’s see.
Egypt. The story of The Eloquent Peasant:
Now this is the command: Do to the doer to make him do.
India. The Mahābhārata:
Hence, (keeping these in mind), by self-control and by making dharma (right conduct) your main focus, treat others as you treat yourself.
Ancient Greece, Ancient Persia, Ancient Rome. The list goes on. They all have a concept similar to:
Whatever is disagreeable to yourself do not do unto others.
This is not a purely religious principle. It is common sense. It is intrinsic to humanity. Members of a species or stewards of a planet must cooperate in order to ensure long term survival.
In order to cooperate, we need to trust one another. If thou is to trust thy neighbour, thou shalt not fuck over thy neighbour and thy neighbour shalt not fuck over thou.
So that’s it. The meaning of life. The only law we need. Everything else fits under this. That’s why Matthew 7:12 says that this rule sums up the Law. They even have the word “Law” in capitals. I know from reading YouTube comments WHEN PEOPLE TALK IN CAPITALS, THEY SHOULD BE TAKEN SUPER SERIOUSLY!!!
So, for the one-millionth time in history, it’s time for a new version of the Holy Bible. This one we will call The New Common Sense Version, or NCSV, for short. It will only have one page, and that page will only have one verse.
One page is hardly a book. So there are some other things you could do with it. You could print it out and frame it upon your wall. You could make it the background image on the home screen of your cellphone. That way when you pulled out your phone to play Angry Birds at full volume in the doctor’s office waiting room, you would momentarily be reminded that thou mightst be annoying others as others mightst doist unto thou.
If you really want to keep the rule handy at all times – get some ink done. Japenese characters, barbed-wire, tribal symbols, and tramp-stamps are so overdone. If you want a really hardcore tat, get the Golden Rule:
(I couldn’t find a tattoo of the Golden Rule, but this guy has a sick Golden Ratio).
In summary, I postulate that The Golden Rule, aka The Golden Law, aka The Ethic of Reciprocity, is The Meaning of Life. Tear that page out of your Bible, and toss the rest away.
However, if you have one of those Donald Trump signed Bibles, DO NOT TOSS IT. It might be worth 350 bucks on eBay.