Professionals don’t know everything. The run practices.
Your doctor is “practicing” on you, be he Suess, Oz, or Xavier or be she Bondar, or (if you’re okay with the plural use of singular pronouns), be they a Bowers.
Practice makes perfect, but you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette.
As the decades roll on by, your doctor hits the “sweet spot”. Young enough to keep up-to-date on all the new innovations, but old enough to have some practice under his/her/their belt.
Dentists are doctors, too. So are some university-educated academics. When academics practice, they might explain away how that 1600 ton block got moved by saying that some unknown civilization harnessed up 800 oxen with jute rope and started whipping them along. When doctors practice, they might tell you that it is imperative that you get your wisdom teeth removed. They might then botch up the surgery entirely. Don’t worry. They have insurance for such occasions.
Let’s pretend your dentist is a baseball player. Why baseball? Because I like baseball a lot, because I’m going to the home opener in a couple days, because I want to segway into a cool video, and because I said so!
Baseball players need practice just like dentists. Sometimes you get a dentist like Jose Bautista. You wouldn’t want him working on you in 2005 when he’s hitting .143 with 0 home runs. He still needs more practice.
You want him in the 2015 season. 40 home runs. 114 RBIs. You want him working on your teeth during the 7th inning of game 5 of the American League Division Series. See below video if you have any questions:
Now your dentist might not quite be at that level yet. He/she/they might be just getting their first at-bat in the majors. Or maybe they’re past their prime, for example:
Wisdom teeth are like appendixes. No, his is not an English-and-grammar-Nazi-trap. I did not mean appendices. I looked it up. It’s appendixes. Appendixes, like wisdom teeth, will sometimes get removed from our bodies at the practicing dentist’s request. Unlike your appendix, which is basically a hand grenade in your body, with the sole purpose of threatening to explode one day, your wisdom teeth are pretty harmless.
That’s not what the dentist will tell you. He’ll say that you better get those sons-of-bitches out A.S.A.P. or you’re going to have trouble down the road.
Well, I am having trouble down the road, and you know what? Having my wisdom teeth removed was the most likely cause. I guess when God designed the human body, he wanted to make sure dentists could always afford the best yachts possible.
Wait. I live in Canada. All my health stuff is covered, right? Let’s see. If I needed my appendix out, that’s free of charge. If I want to pop out a baby, or get my tubes tied, or get my you-know-what turned inside out to make it into a you-know-hoo-hoo, that’s all on the taxpayers’ dime.
Not teeth though. You need insurance for that (which I don’t have). If only I had invested that $10,000 for my wisdom teeth removal ten years ago into Bitcoin. I’d be a bazillionaire now. Instead, the botched surgery has led to other issues and I’ll get to fork out another six or seven Gs before it’s all said and done.
The cool thing is that I have options:
Option 1: Become a human-ceramic hybrid. Let the tooth die and fall out naturally, or extract it. Replace with a false tooth. Impress the children by being able to remove my tooth on demand.
Option 2: Become a human-metal-ceramic hybrid. Remove the tooth. Use a tap-and-die set to insert a metal anchor in the jawbone. Put a fake tooth on that anchor. Caveat: may lead to more problem$ down the road.
Option 3: Become a human-cow-pig hybrid. This one is my favourite. Cut the gums. Scrape off some human bone from jaw. Mix human bone with cow bone. Mix human-cow-bone with pig hormone. Put the mixture under the tooth and voila, new bone will grow. Maybe. If all goes according to plan.
Don’t worry. I’m confident Mister Suess has had plenty of practice.