As promised, here is the tale of the Premier of Ontario’s dumb idea.
In Ontario, we got ninety-nine problems but our license plates aren’t one. Actually, that’s not true – there is one problem with them. They don’t make them like they used to. That’s not what Doug Ford cares about though. He’s worried about the slogan embossed on the plates.
It’s no wonder. The current slogan, “Yours to Discover” does not embody the big business attitude that Doug Ford, the premier of Ontario, and brother of the late crack-smoking mayor, Rob Ford wants. What does Doug want to see on our plates? I’ll tell you later, but first a little history.
In the beginning, the slogan on our license plates was “Keep It Beautiful”. That would’ve been very fitting for our province back then. With our expansive forests and numerous waterways, Ontario is a great place to fish, hunt, hike, or canoe. “Keep It Beautiful” was a message to citizens and visitors alike and said, “Hey motorist. Don’t throw your soda can into my fishing hole. We gotta keep it beautiful.”
In 1982, the slogan was changed to “Yours To Discover”. A different, but similar message. It still did justice to the majesty of our natural spaces, but it also reminded us that there was so much to do and see in Ontario, natural or man-made. Whether you were into hiking the Bruce Trail or taking in a baseball game at the SkyDome, Ontario was “Yours to Discover”.
Doug Ford wants to change the slogan again, but this time he wants to use it as a billboard for the Progressive Conservative (PC) party. He must be bored. Like I said in the beginning, we have ninety-nine problems, but the words on our license plate are not one of them. Dougy must’ve got tired of trying to increase classroom sizes and take away people’s eco-vehicle tax credits. There are fat cats smoking cigars in private lounges that need those credits more.
Perhaps it is those men who inspired Premier Ford’s newly proposed slogan, “Open for Business”. Publicly he said, “I can tell you that people across this province want change. They voted for change, and they’re getting change.”
But wouldn’t it be better to leave it alone? I mean, this will be costly, and there are bigger issues to deal with, right? But let’s not forgot about politician magic.
In a move paralleling that of the Great Donald Trump, Doug Ford announced that, just like the Mexico wall, the license plate change won’t cost the taxpayers anything. Magic.
Cost or no cost, I don’t want the slogan “Open For Business” on our license plates. It makes it sound like we are an oil field just waiting to get hydro-fracked. It makes it sound like we are an ocean, parting our legs, ready and waiting to take your plastic.
It stands in stark contrast to “Keep It Beautiful”. It might as well say, “Pollute Me”.
Having given it some thought, maybe it is the best slogan for us.
Lake Ontario might agree, as she sits vulnerable to the toxicity of the concrete jungle, laid atop of some of the most fertile farmland in the world.