And Peter remembered the Lord had said, “Before the rooster crows today, you will be approached by three strangers with clipboards“.
I was once asked to donate to a charity by some friendly people on the street. It was before I learned not to talk to strangers with clipboards. They gave me their sales pitch, and kindly told me how I could donate: via a recurring deduction from my bank account.
I was hoping to give them five bucks and smile as we went our separate ways. So I asked, “Why can’t I just give you a five dollar bill?”
They kindly informed me that I could donate only five bucks if that’s what I really wanted to do. I would simply sign up for the monthly (or weekly) deduction. Then after the first transaction, I would simply call the organization and cancel my donation. Simply simple.
I told them the simple thing for me to do was to take a pass and continue walking to work. So I started to.
“Please fuck off.”
The next time I was approached by a stranger with a clipboard was by a guy in the parking lot of The Swiss Chalet. He drove an empty cube van with one set of speakers in the back. According to the clipboard (aka, his prop) he had just delivered a whole truckload of speakers. Also according to his clipboard, his last customer refused to buy the speakers they had ordered. He “proved” this by pointing at the papers on the clipboard. I guess it was my lucky day because he was going to let me have them for half price if I took them off his hands right there and then in the parking lot.
That’s so weird because…a few of my buddies had recently encountered this exact same scenario. What are the odds?
So I kindly told the guy to “Please fuck off.”
The most recent time I was approached by a stranger with a clipboard was at my own front door. Ding dong. Doorbell at dinner time.
A guy with strong body odour and an embroidered golf shirt (and of course, a clipboard) wants to come in and take a look at my water heater and furnace. He wants to make sure I’m getting the best possible price on my energy costs. Out of the goodness of his heart, he is going around to everyone’s house and giving them savings and asking nothing in return.
“There’s nothing you need to worry about. It’s a government program. I just need to come in and get all the details off your energy equipment bla bla bla,” he says as he tries to squeeze past me and enter my house.
“Known scam. Please fuck off.”
So if you are approached by a stranger with a clipboard, please utilize any array, variety, mixture, diversity, soup, range, or collection of English words available to explain why you don’t want what they’re selling, but don’t forget to append it with, “Please fuck off.”