Have you ever heard of Mondelēz International? Me neither, until today.
It all started with a miracle. I was walking my kid home from school when we saw the grisly sight. What we saw on the side of the road meant Easter wouldn’t be happening this year, but if we picked up the carcass, we could have rabbit stew. You see, the Easter Bunny had met head-on with the grill of a big yellow school bus. From his condition, it didn’t look like he would be able to visit the billions of children around the world.
This would not be good for Mondelēz International, as I will explain.
My children must have said their bedtime prayers because when our family rose this morning, the house was full of sugary deliciousness in the form of “chocolate” ellipsoids wrapped in foil. This was very advantageous for yours truly because the Glucose-Fructose store is closed for the holidays.
It truly was an Easter miracle. While we slept, our bunny friend was resurrected and he still managed to make the worldwide egg delivery run. Did he do it on his own, or did he have help?
As I watched my family participate in an “egg hunt” while I strummed the guitar with indifference, my curiosity got the better of me. Who was powerful enough to help this rascally rabbit in his mission?
I mean, it could have been a divide-and-conquer situation. He could have called a friend. The tooth fairy could have delivered to the Western hemisphere. It’s to her advantage, really. More rotten teeth for her. Santa could’ve covered the Eastern hemisphere with his team and his technologically advanced sleigh.
That takes care of the logistics, but who made the chocolate? I jumped on the information superhighway to see who this Cadbury fellow is. Is he related to Mister Bunny?
I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised that Cadbury was part of a gigantic chocolate conglomerate. Mondelēz. At fifty some dollars a share they’re doing just fine.
If you look at their stock price graph, they seem to get a nice little boost around Christmas time. Then, just as the price starts to dip, in comes St.Valentine to save the day. They ride that wave until spring when they receive a cash injection from everyone’s favourite saviour: The Easter Bunny.
This caused me to worry a little. I’ve heard some pesky information that sugar isn’t so great for our bodies and our teeth. If we’re stuffing our faces with chocolate from December through April, isn’t that a little unhealthy?
The great thing about big questions like this is all you have to do is ask a higher power for the answers and you will feel better. So I navigated to the “about us” page on Mondelēz’s website:
At Mondelēz International, our purpose is to empower people to snack right. We will lead the future of snacking around the world by offering the right snack, for the right moment, made the right way. That means delivering a broader range of delicious, high-quality snacks that nourish life’s moments, made with sustainable ingredients and packaging that consumers can feel good about.
Phew. At first, I thought Mondelēz was buying up all the confection companies around the world so that they could sell as much sugary junk as possible in order to make the largest possible sum of money.
What they’re really doing is empowering me to snack right. They’re nourishing life’s little moments. They’re making consumers feel good.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve heard enough fairy tales for one weekend.