Between the Bread (A Bible Sandwich)

In Sunday school I was taught about all of the classics.  David and Goliath.  Jesus and the crucifixion.  Mary and the manger.  Johah and the whale.  Noah and the ark.  The other ark.

Those ones made great colouring pages.

One day my Sunday school teacher offered me a chocolate bar if I could memorize the books of the Bible in order.  I could not.  Another time, my science teacher offered me a chocolate bar if I could memorize the elements of the periodic table in order of atomic number.  I got to Potassium, or K, if you periodically read tables.

As with the periodic table, there are many obscure elements in the Bible.  Sandwiched in between the fun-loving tales of multiplying fish and parting seas, there are some very interesting stories to be found.  In a moment I will tell you about what I intend to do about it, but first, some history.

My foray into blogging has given me the opportunity to connect with believers and non-believers alike.  Their blogs about the “Good Book” have had me reliving memories of St.John’s United.  The uncomfortable pews.  The beautiful stained glass art.  The large exposed wooden beam at the top of the sanctuary.  The smell of coffee in the basement where I was indoctrinated into the practice of worshiping an invisible spirit in the clouds.  It was the will of my mother to be baptized and confirmed into the church as was her mother and her mother before her.

So I did as a good boy does and sat through several uncomfortable sessions with the church Reverend.  I kneeled at the front of the church in the spot where water was splashed upon my head so many years before.  I said some vows.

Once I was confirmed, I was given a box of envelopes to stuff with the money I earned at my part-time job.  After the awkward part of the church service where children hold hands, bow their heads, and repeat, I no longer got to retire to the basement for colouring and cookies.  I got to stay in the sanctuary and sing long, multi-verse hymns from the “red book” to the slow, hypnotic music coming from the giant pipes above the choir loft.  I got to stay upstairs and listen to the sermon.

It was always the same stories about palm fronds and Moses on the mountain.

Was I really to believe that a 1500 page book only had, like, ten stories in it?

It was only recently that I have realized within the thin, crinkly, pages of the B-I-B-L-E are some very strange stories.

So, in the interest of spreading knowledge of what is hiding between Genesis and Revelation, I am going to start a new segment on this blog where I open the Bible to a random page and share with you the first thing I find interesting.

I have been having a hard time coming up with a name for this new blog segment.  I have a few ideas, inspired by memories of St.John’s:

  • Cubes of Bread
  • Reverend Welch’s Grape Juice
  • Smelling Permanent Markers
  • Pedos Play Guitars
  • Holding Sweaty Hands
  • Repeat After Me
  • What’s Behind That Door?
  • Hymn and Haw

What’s your favourite?

 

 

21 thoughts on “Between the Bread (A Bible Sandwich)

  1. My favorite is “Hymn and Haw.” Congratulations on starting the new segment on the bible; you will have more fun than God killing babies, raping women and gambling with the Devil. My favorite “Hymn and Haw”. Remember that from “Genesis to Revelation” is only part of the complete bible.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your input on the title.
      You are a big inspiration for looking into the Bible’s secret passages. I’ve had a lot of good laughs reading your stuff.
      Good point about the incomplete nature of the Bible. I remember when I first heard about The Book of Enoch and I was like, “What? There’s more?”

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      1. Well, thanks to Henry VIII, there was the split between Catholicism & Protestantism. Since you didn’t know what genuflecting was, that automatically makes you a Protestant (hence, Henry’s ‘protesting’ Catholicism & the Pope). Episcopal type Anglicans genuflect, and take communion (with real wafers & wine), but, they are considered Protestant and one step below Catholics, despite the Vatican’s attempt get them all back under the same umbrella. Evangelical Anglicans (the ones that moved the farthest away from the Catholics, the Pope & the Vatican) probably don’t genuflect and, when they take communion, it’s probably grape juice & crackers like Baptists.

        United only means that whatever category you fall into, some groups ‘united’ for a similar cause or similar desires of worship.

        There are so many splinters in religion. Even the Anglicans can’t agree with one another. There are two distinct groups of them. Don’t even get me started on Baptists. OY.

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      2. Thanks for the information.

        Upon further reading I see that the United Church was a merger of methodist and two other denominations in 1925.

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      3. My paternal GPs were non-practicing Methodists.

        As best as I can figure out, regarding Episcopal polity, Anglicans & Methodists are on opposite ends of the same spectrum. A.M.E. churches, Wesleyans & Lutherans are somewhere in the middle.

        It would take a biblical scholar to make heads or tails out of all that. I tried studying Anglicanism & it was a convoluted mess. They are the only priests that can marry. I did learn that.

        I was raised Southern Baptist. My state & SC are known to be, traditionally, ‘Bible Belts’. Baptists are splintered bunch, too (Evangelical podium screamers). Don’t even get me started on the Pentecostal Holiness folks. Have mercy…

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      4. That’s because religion is a human concept/construct…not ‘God’. Step outside the organized stuff and you get Polytheism, Pantheism, Taoism, Buddhism, Shintoism, Hare Krishna, Pagans, Druids, Luciferianism, Satanism, Witches, Wiccans, Celts, Animism…long list.

        The ‘true path’ is YOUR path. Our Creator (of our souls/consciousness…the Universe) requires no worship. The bodies we inhabit…well…that was a collaborative effort. The ‘Creator’ wasn’t involved in that.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. To me, the alternative stuff seems just as much of a religion as the organized stuff. Until I sense something personally, I will have doubts.

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      6. Anything can be a religion. Whatever you worship is, effectively, a religion. Many worship science as their religion. Many worship celebrities.

        Whatever ‘altar’ you bleed on/for can be your religion.

        If you are looking for a savior, look in the mirror.

        Liked by 1 person

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