Visit from the Witnesses

The Jehovah’s Witnesses were here again today.  The usual guy Mack was here with a younger guy, Jordan.

I let them know I have been reading the Bible.  They were impressed.

I let them know that I was skeptical.  They encouraged skepticism, but cautioned me to be careful because it “takes a long time to digest and understand the Bible”.

“Ask us anything you’re not sure about,” they said.  Jordan even gave me his cellphone number so I could call him any time, day or night.

While we talked, my dog looked up at me with his head cocked slightly sideways.  He had something to say.

I put my ear close to his snout and he asked me a question, “They said it takes a long time to study the Bible, right?”

“Yes,” I said.

“And they encouraged you to be skeptical, and ask questions?”


“I have a question,” Beans whispered, “How in the hell do they think they got all those animals on the ark?  Do they expect me to believe they had dogs and cats living together on there?”

I put my mouth to Beans’ ear and whispered, “Take it easy, Beans.  We don’t want to offend our guests.”

Beans put his paw up to his mouth and leaned in.  He whispered something else.

I asked Mack, “Can I borrow your iPad?”

He handed it to me, and I held it out for Beans.

With dexterity I had never seen before in an animal without opposable thumbs, Beans keyed the following URL into the internet browser on Mack’s tablet:

Beans pawed at my arm.  Again I leaned in and again she whispered, “It’s a video of Bill Nye, the science guy, touring the Ark Encounter with creationist Ken Ham.”

This time I talked in Beans’ ear, “What the fuck is the Ark Encounter?”

Beans whispered again, “It’s a hundred million dollar Noah’s Ark theme park where they brainwash children into thinking dinosaurs lived four thousand years ago.  I was watching it earlier when you left your laptop unlocked.”

I handed the tablet back to the “brothers” and they looked at the screen.

“This video is two hours long…” Jordan protested.

Beans barked, “You said it takes time to study these things.”

The brothers looked at each other, eyes wide, and spoke in unison.

“A talking dog!  That’s impossible!”

7 thoughts on “Visit from the Witnesses

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