Planetary Parents (The Polls are Open)

Plotters vs. Pansters.  I was not familiar with the aforementioned schools of thought until I joined the world of blogging.  While those two approaches apply to storytelling, I think they echo two similar approaches to living our day-to-day lives.

When I write I am more of a “pantser”.  I think of an idea and then just start writing about it, moulding and massaging ideas as they come to mind.  When I live, I am more of a “plotter”.  I draw flowcharts or logic diagrams in my head.  That’s why I don’t commit domestic crimes, or at least it is highly unlikely.  I can’t leave bread crumbs on the counter because “cleanup bread crumbs” prepends “eat sandwich” in my linear, logical, flowchart in my head.

So what the hell happened to me yesterday?  I think I might have short-circuited my brain.  Even though my blog is kind of random, I do try to keep it to somewhat of a theme.  That theme is loosely, “Put your cellphone down and think critically about what is going on in the world”.  Yesterday I was ranting incoherently.

Yesterday I couldn’t stomach the news.  I couldn’t stomach our world.  I can always appreciate the sound of birds singing and all that, but it’s disheartening to know how many dead bird species we will cause in the upcoming years.

I wonder, will today be a “glass half full” day (even though I hate that whole glass-half analogy).  Half is half people.  We’re getting into fractions here.  Let’s be black and white for once.  There are not two ways to look at a half-glass.  It’s just half.  It is the same volume of beer either way.



So my fine friends, does anyone have a good idea how to get us out of this mess?  We’ve got a reality TV star president on Twitter and half the people think that’s great.  We’ve got Ken Hamm telling kids the world is 6,000 years old.  We’ve got Kim Kardashian becoming a lawyer via correspondence courses.  Corporations operate without consequence.  In Ontario, our premier ran on the platform of providing “buck-a-beer” and even that was a lie.  There is only one company selling beer for a dollar.

I have some ideas, but they’re not going to work in our current political systems.  A bunch of old geezers standing around in a room slinging insults at each other.  Miraculously, every once in a while those old geezers manage to agree on something.  Then four years later a different group of old geezers erase what the previous group of old geezers did.

I used to think what we needed to cut through all the red tape and politics was a Prime Dictator.  It was only now that I realized what the world needs are a Mom and a Dad.  A couple of Prime Dictators.  A system where patriarchial qualities are balanced by matriarchal qualities.

This couple would not be swayed by lobbyists and corporations.  They would be advised by the smartest people at the top of their respective fields.

Logic would take precedence over whatever the fuck we are using to make decisions now.

When a kid says they’re going to eat candy for breakfast, a good Mom and Dad might say, “Nice try, you little shit.”

That’s what the Prime Dictators would say if Monsanto said, “Yeah, we’re just gonna let people purchase this cancery-stuff for their grass.”

“No, you’re not, and if you do you’re gonna get a pants-down spanking.”

“But, the economy…”

Fuck the economy.  When we destroy the planet (and by destroy, I mean make it uninhabitable for us), there will be no economy.

I don’t want to live underground in some post-apocalyptic dungeon eating Soylent Green.  I want the things I was promised as a kid.  Real recycling.  Solar panels on every roof.  A Mag-lev train from Windsor to Toronto.

The way we’re going now, the only way my kids will be able to swim in the ocean is if they download their consciousnesses onto a hard drive and do it virtually.

Rants about the environment make some folks uncomfortable.  Some don’t want to give up their creature comforts.  Some can’t even agree that we should ban plastic drinking straws.  Some folks are completely desensitized to images of sea turtles with plastic-filled bellies.

Obviously, I don’t know where we go when we die.  Logic dictates we are not going to be raptured to the land of gold and sapphires with Jesus.  The Earth is our heaven until we are able to master faster-than-light travel and find our next one.

It would be nice if we could do our kids a favour and get rid of these crooked old geezers before they completely turn our beautiful blue ball into a complete cesspool all in the name of amassing pathetic paper bills.

I vote that we change the electoral system and bring in a caring Mom and Dad to take care of the earth, advised not by lobbyists and ex-industry fatcats, but by highly-educated, responsible stewards of the planet.

Who would you vote for Mom and Dad of our planet?

12 thoughts on “Planetary Parents (The Polls are Open)

  1. Super nice piece. I always discover what I want to say while in the process of saying it. That comports nicely with some of the things I learned in grad school when we read a lot of theoretical stuff that explored the idea of “writing as discovery.” I don’t know if that makes me a panster or not. (I guess I need to read up on pansterism–there’s so much I need to read up on!) I’m certainly not really a plotter when I write. Plotters seem to be the type that have a certain kind of luxury–more free time than I’ve got.

    When I start thinking politics, I get to feeling real dark. I wonder if the two camps–let’s refer to them as the rationals and the irrationals–can even live together anymore. There was a time in America when the nation broke apart and formed armies and starting aiming all manner of weapons at one another, across the dividing line. The North versus the South. The Union versus the Confederates. It could be that America is in the very earliest stages of becoming something else entirely and will reemerge from this transformation–will it involve widespread bloodshed or not?–as an entity (or entities) that bears little resemblance to its current shape. Of course, most Americans walk around saying (or thinking): “It can’t happen here!” To those folks I ask, “Why can’t it?” I cock my ear toward them and await a response. But what I get is always crickets.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and for your thoughtful response.
      I actually thought the division you speak of might’ve happened when Trump was on the campaign trail in the last election…
      I think if he gets elected again, shit may hit the fan.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. If Trump gets elected again, so much stuff will hit so many things. I’m already going through a variety of scenarios in my head should such an event take place. My wife and I might pull up stakes and move back to her place and live in some beautiful coastal village or some such locale in Egypt, a place I find very attractive for a whole bunch of reasons. Or I might decide to join the resistance. After all, I was in Egypt during the 2011 Revolution and didn’t leave when all sorts of shit was hitting every fan in sight. I played my little role in the uprising. If I could do it for and in Egypt, what would keep me from doing it for and in America? Have we actually gotten to this point or am I being overly melodramatic?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. In life, I’m a planner.
    In blogging, I pants it. Though I have so many silly posts rattling through my brain at any given time… I do schedule ahead.
    As to the garbage filled world, I feel you. Sometimes it seems like the whole world is going down the toilet. And while I’m not a Suzy Sunshine optimist, I can still see good on the planet… you just have to look a little harder for it these days.
    Politics? Trump? This farce of an administration?
    Now you know why I drink.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well. Glad you were only ranting yesterday.

    The world is chronically broken and has been forever. As an Andrew Klavan character puts it, “In real life, things are always just a few minutes away from falling right the f*** apart.” Don’t let it get you down.

    I know a lot of wonderful couples, but I don’t know any whom I would trust to “fix” everything. Seems like the worst damage is always done by people who try to fix everything. Nor would I curse any of the wonderful couples I know by sticking them with all that power and responsibility.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I rant almost daily, but I feel like usually it is more coherent.

      It’s funny you say the world has been broken forever. I thought it was perfect before the apple incident. That’s what my Jehovah’s Witness friends advertise, at least.

      My idea was a Mom and Dad team, but I should have clarified my thinking a little. I meant more of a figurative Mom and Dad, not necessarily a married couple.

      It would be a hard pick to make. Off the top of my head: Tom Hanks and Oprah. Or Morgan Freeman and Ellen DeGeneres. Just kidding. It’s probably better to stay away from the TV personalities after the last election and just get a non-celebrity pair with good heads on their shoulders.

      No one can “fix” everything, but I think we could move a lot quicker in a direction without all the partisan bickering and pandering to corporate interests.

      Just the thoughts of an over tired sheep. What we really need is a shepherd. Or a pair of shepherds.


  4. You know what needs fixing? People, individually, working on their own s***.

    Christ on a Tandem…we were warned that, if we didn’t deal with our personal s*** prior to 2011/2012, we were gonna go “the hard way” route.

    The only thing that you have control over is YOU, your guidance to your children and your balancing energies to your wife. Technically, you have no control over your wife but, you do wield influence.

    Like I told [Bottomless] Coffee on more than one occasion…stop watching the news. It will only make you miserable and angry…BY DESIGN. My drunken SO just HAS to watch the news…local, ABC Nightly, OANN…ad nauseum. I hear it all and take it ALL with a grain of f****** salt. The latest push is “War with Iran”. What? ANOTHER WAR? WHY? I did happen to catch one report that was interesting…the falling birth rate.

    The human collective does not want war. I read so many bloggers talking about the US and a second Civil War. There are those that are attempting to DRIVE us in that direction. But, WE don’t have the stomach for it. That doesn’t stop them from pushing the narrative. As long as everyone is swimming in fear, and anger, and anxiety, we are easier to STEER.

    I’m not worried about Mother Earth. She is a BIG GIRL with BIG GIRL panties on. If She wanted to, She could disconnect everyone’s root chakra and we’d all be gone. She is unconcerned. She is making her own adjustments. See this?
    Climate change is HER…not us. We’ve made a mess…yes. But, any warming his HER. She used to be much warmer, anyway. The North Pole wasn’t always frozen.

    There is no *leader* or possible leader that can FIX anything. Fixing will have to be done on the personal level. There’s your revolution.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Work on ourselves. I totally agree.
      War is bad. Also agree. We don’t want any more wars.
      Not sure about all the 2012 stuff. I feel like that was played up really hard and then nothing happened. I will believe it when I see it.
      I think the right leader could help put individuals in the direction you are talking about. For example, if the government made it easier for people to live healthier, work fewer hours, give up booze and cigarettes, wouldn’t that help?


      1. The 2011/2012 reference was regarding The Human Plan coming to an end in Oct. 2011 & the Mayan calendar reset. It was played up as something along the lines of armageddon. It never was that. It was supposed to be our collective agreement to reintegrate. It didn’t happen…clearly. At that point, Earth made a choice to NOT throw us all off (Chris said She took pity on us, knowing of the interferences). So…instead of everyone returning to what we used to be, en masse…we get the slow road. 😡

        Expecting the right *leader* to “help put individuals in the (right) direction” is a-kin to waiting for the *second coming*. Rots-a-ruck.

        Since when should the gubment be involved in people’s health? Having poor habits & expecting a doc or a gubment employee to fix the outcome is absurd. There is no gubment on the planet that can effectively legislate behavior. They try and can make money off folk’s inevitable bad choices. Your health is your responsibility. Government be damned.

        Except for my time as an Examiner (22 mos), I haven’t had health insurance since May 2011. ERs will take anyone for emergencies. I’ve only needed to see a doc for a prescription that, as of August, I will let go of. I ask for a cash price & I’m done. Other than that, I don’t see docs. The idea of my gubment “making it easier for me to live healthier” is laughable. It’s none of their damn biz.

        Liked by 1 person

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