Plotters vs. Pansters. I was not familiar with the aforementioned schools of thought until I joined the world of blogging. While those two approaches apply to storytelling, I think they echo two similar approaches to living our day-to-day lives.
When I write I am more of a “pantser”. I think of an idea and then just start writing about it, moulding and massaging ideas as they come to mind. When I live, I am more of a “plotter”. I draw flowcharts or logic diagrams in my head. That’s why I don’t commit domestic crimes, or at least it is highly unlikely. I can’t leave bread crumbs on the counter because “cleanup bread crumbs” prepends “eat sandwich” in my linear, logical, flowchart in my head.
So what the hell happened to me yesterday? I think I might have short-circuited my brain. Even though my blog is kind of random, I do try to keep it to somewhat of a theme. That theme is loosely, “Put your cellphone down and think critically about what is going on in the world”. Yesterday I was ranting incoherently.
Yesterday I couldn’t stomach the news. I couldn’t stomach our world. I can always appreciate the sound of birds singing and all that, but it’s disheartening to know how many dead bird species we will cause in the upcoming years.
I wonder, will today be a “glass half full” day (even though I hate that whole glass-half analogy). Half is half people. We’re getting into fractions here. Let’s be black and white for once. There are not two ways to look at a half-glass. It’s just half. It is the same volume of beer either way.
So my fine friends, does anyone have a good idea how to get us out of this mess? We’ve got a reality TV star president on Twitter and half the people think that’s great. We’ve got Ken Hamm telling kids the world is 6,000 years old. We’ve got Kim Kardashian becoming a lawyer via correspondence courses. Corporations operate without consequence. In Ontario, our premier ran on the platform of providing “buck-a-beer” and even that was a lie. There is only one company selling beer for a dollar.
I have some ideas, but they’re not going to work in our current political systems. A bunch of old geezers standing around in a room slinging insults at each other. Miraculously, every once in a while those old geezers manage to agree on something. Then four years later a different group of old geezers erase what the previous group of old geezers did.
I used to think what we needed to cut through all the red tape and politics was a Prime Dictator. It was only now that I realized what the world needs are a Mom and a Dad. A couple of Prime Dictators. A system where patriarchial qualities are balanced by matriarchal qualities.
This couple would not be swayed by lobbyists and corporations. They would be advised by the smartest people at the top of their respective fields.
Logic would take precedence over whatever the fuck we are using to make decisions now.
When a kid says they’re going to eat candy for breakfast, a good Mom and Dad might say, “Nice try, you little shit.”
That’s what the Prime Dictators would say if Monsanto said, “Yeah, we’re just gonna let people purchase this cancery-stuff for their grass.”
“No, you’re not, and if you do you’re gonna get a pants-down spanking.”
“But, the economy…”
Fuck the economy. When we destroy the planet (and by destroy, I mean make it uninhabitable for us), there will be no economy.
I don’t want to live underground in some post-apocalyptic dungeon eating Soylent Green. I want the things I was promised as a kid. Real recycling. Solar panels on every roof. A Mag-lev train from Windsor to Toronto.
The way we’re going now, the only way my kids will be able to swim in the ocean is if they download their consciousnesses onto a hard drive and do it virtually.
Rants about the environment make some folks uncomfortable. Some don’t want to give up their creature comforts. Some can’t even agree that we should ban plastic drinking straws. Some folks are completely desensitized to images of sea turtles with plastic-filled bellies.
Obviously, I don’t know where we go when we die. Logic dictates we are not going to be raptured to the land of gold and sapphires with Jesus. The Earth is our heaven until we are able to master faster-than-light travel and find our next one.
It would be nice if we could do our kids a favour and get rid of these crooked old geezers before they completely turn our beautiful blue ball into a complete cesspool all in the name of amassing pathetic paper bills.
I vote that we change the electoral system and bring in a caring Mom and Dad to take care of the earth, advised not by lobbyists and ex-industry fatcats, but by highly-educated, responsible stewards of the planet.
Who would you vote for Mom and Dad of our planet?