Banned: Food Eating Contests

A man has died in Fresno, California. Although the cause of his death is still to be determined, his last act in life appears to have been participating in a Taco Eating Contest.

Matthew Boylan witnessed the event:

“It was like he’d never eaten before. He was just shoving the tacos down his mouth without chewing.”

Sexy.

Apparently, the poor guy couldn’t handle his tacos and about seven minutes into the contest he collapsed and hit his face on a table. The contest ended immediately.

If the Prime Dictator was calling the shots, all contests of this sort would end immediately. For obvious reasons.

Imagine an advanced alien species looking down on us in 2018 when “professional eater” Geoffrey Esper downed 73 tacos in eight minutes during the Taco Eating Championships.

They would probably say they have not seen such gluttony since the Brie Wheel incident.

And then they would obliterate us. As we deserve.

15 thoughts on “Banned: Food Eating Contests

  1. It’s sad that there’s competitive eating contests in general. Its unsafe, period. No one talks of detrimental effects it places on your body- stretching your stomach out constantly.
    The sheriff on the case said when questioned: the cause of death hasnt been ruled, “but we have an idea” At this part I laughed at the fact the sheriff didnt have to say what he thinking.
    Now, if this young man’s cause of death is not what is thought😞

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Always gets me that people are dying in certain parts of the world due to starvation (and lets face it, our own first world food supplies are hardly infalliable…) but here we freely waste food on such contests, over-eat in fast food joints and throw away the excess that we couldn’t manage in the end.

    Don’t even get me started on “limited edition” food products.

    The whole thing is disgraceful and monstrously ignorant.

    Liked by 1 person

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