News Updates from Last Week

Last week I put on my journalism hat and reported on a couple of trending stories.  It would be prudent of me to provide updates at this time.

In Taylor Swift v. Tool, I reported on the story that *gasp* Taylor Swift was likely to be bumped off the Billboard Top 200 by the progressive rock band, Tool.  Sorry, teenage girls, but it happened.  Grandpa’s music took the top spot.  So for the Swifties who were asking, “Who the fuck is Tool?”, starting tomorrow (September 10, 2019), you will be able to see for yourselves at the top of the Billboard Top 200.  And if you’re wondering who the fuck that other band, “The Beatles” are, please consult the Top 200 of All-Time chart…

In Reason for Swearing #2, I reported that that tennis superstar Serena Williams and Canadian, Bianca Andreescu would face off in a historic U.S. Open.  With nothing to lose, Williams mounted a near-comeback in the third set, ultimately falling to Andreescu 7-5, and losing 2-1 in the match.

In a refreshing display of sportsmanship on both sides, the players hugged and expressed the utmost respect toward each other.  No curse words were uttered, and in what was perhaps the most Canadian podium speech ever delivered, Andreescu addressed the crowd saying, “I know you guys wanted Serena to win, so I’m so sorry.”

On behalf of Tool, let me echo those same sentiments to the former number one chart slot holder.

“Sorry, Tay Tay!”

Now you’re up to date.


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