Every once in a while, a blogger writes a post that resonates so strongly with his potential audience that it catapults him to instant notoriety.
This is not that post.
In school, we used to play a game. It was called, “What is wrong with this sentence?” As adults, we can still play. Try this headline from Hello! Canada on for size:
Meghan Markle re-wore her dress from Archie’s public debut for her Skype call this weekend.
If you are interested in this “news” story please go kill yourself immediately.
“Whoa! BlackSheep you cannot say that! You’re gonna get kicked off of WordPress! What if someone actually did kill themselves? It would be your fault. WHAT ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY???”
You’re right, Mysterious Speaker who often speaks in my blog posts. Maybe death is too harsh of a punishment for the person who got a boner from a Princess wearing the same pair of clothes twice. May I suggest instead stepping down hard on a tines-up garden rake?
Before you ask, no, someone did not piss in my Corn Flakes this morning. Although that really did happen at the Kellog’s factory here and, closer to home, here. To be fair, the second guy was peeing on Rice Krispies, not Corn Flakes.
In more uplifting news, people are smashing their Keurig machines. But it is not because they read my post about the Keuring brewing system. It’s the MAGA crowd’s equivalent to buring a flag or taking a knee during the national anthem. A protest against Green Mountain, the producer of single-use plastic cups for our unhealthy beverage convenience. Cups, that if stacked end-to-end, would wrap around the earth like the threads of a baseball’s inner core.
I must apologize. The segment of my brain that rants about K-Cups just hijacked this post. It’s that tiny node sandwiched between the node that drives a manual transmission and the node that used to look at boobs before it became unacceptable to do so.
The coffee-machine smashers aren’t standing up for the environment. The Libtard-haters are mad because Green Mountain pulled its ads from one of their favourite FOX shows, hosted by Sean Hannity. The coffee giant’s board of directors probably don’t really give a shit that Sean stood up for Roy Moore enjoying fourteen-year-old girls any more than the Pope probably doesn’t really give a shit about his priests enjoying fourteen-year-old boys.
Do any of these idiots who are smashing their coffee makers realize that Green Mountain is owned by Jab Holdings and Jab Holdings is owned by something else and that something else is owned by something else?
And at the top of the pyramid are a handful of billionaires who also happen to enjoy flying to pedophile islands. Did I mention they also control the news media? That’s why we know more about celebrity wardrobe malfunctions that we do about the way our systems of government and finances work. Pay no attention to the men behind the curtain.
It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Greed, pollution, pedophilia, unnecessary manufacturing, obsession with celebrity, and addiction to drugs and alcohol…
Make sure you get to the polls so you can vote for the next clown who will do absolutely nothing about it. On your way there, make sure you buy the latest iPhone so you won’t be embarrassed when you FaceTime your friends. On the way back, buy a case of Coors light so you can forget about everything I said.
“But BlackSheep”, says that Mysterious Speaker who often speaks in my blogs, “What are YOU doing about any of it?”
I’m so glad you asked. I’m taking the advice of my Christian friends and letting Jesus take the wheel.
Thoughts and prayers everyone.