Shockingly Retarded

The word, “retarded”, has become dated and is considered “usually offensive”.  Well, I don’t give a flying fuck because it is part of my regular parlance and I happen to like it just the way it is.  But only when used on a deserving bi-ped.

Being a “usually offensive” adjective (by Merriam-Webster’s own definition), I suppose I am using it correctly, as most often my intent is to offend.

Those born with a condition once known as mental retardation are not the souls I am picking on.  Their genetic situation is a beef to be had between themselves and the mysterious architect, God.  Only he can tell them why he would have them enter into reality with the aforementioned condition.  What I do know is that ever since the Great One jumbled up our words when the Tower of Babel fell, we have been uttering increasingly more descriptive words from our mouth flaps.  And “retarded” is one I intend to keep, politically correct or not.

Now that that preamble is out of the way, I will tell you the most retarded thing I have ever presented to you on NotSheepMinded.  Those of you that know the blog might think I am going to say the Keurig coffee brewing system or the Holy Bible.  Those are close, but no cigar.

The most retarded thing I have ever shown you is this thing.  I don’t even know what it is called, but it is designed for retards to use their iPad while they are in the shower.  Can’t they just wash their body, sing out of key, or masturbate like everyone else?

Today is a very special day because even though one of the topmost retarded people in the world (one of slow or limited intellectual development, by the Merriam-Webster definition) has finally been impeached, there is actually an even more flagrant retard to write about…

It’s actually a whole family of retards that have been using their cellphones in the bathtub while connected to an extension cord.  Read all about it here.  In a strange anomaly of physics (that’s a branch of science), the 14-year old daughter was electrocuted when her phone fell into the bath.  The unfortunate event happened shortly after the extension cord took a selfie and posted it to social media with the caption, “When you use and extension cord so you can plug your phone in while you’re in the bath.”

At least it used the correct “your” and “you’re”

If only the electricity-conducting properties of non-distilled water were common knowledge, the whole unfortunate incident could have been avoided.






11 thoughts on “Shockingly Retarded

      1. Yeah, that’s my point, just because there’s been an impeachment, it doesn’t change a whole lot.
        He shouldn’t have been selected in the first place, but how much worse would it be if the other one was? 🤔

        Liked by 2 people

  1. People’s obsession with phones and the need to have them everywhere at all times knows no limits. What happened to chilling in the tub with no distractions? Isn’t that the entire point?!?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think the person who came up with the shower curtain is a genius. If you can make money off of stupid people, go for it. I’m actually surprised to not see this “invention” widely spread. I read about it a year or more ago, but no one ever mentioned that to me in real life. Poor marketing, I guess.

    Nowadays, phones are glued to our hands. No matter what we do. A very concerning reality. But maybe that’s just an evolved way of natural selection?

    Liked by 1 person

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