Q. What is the most likely place to contract the coronavirus? A. A crowded church sanctuary. Q. What is the most unnecessary place to go during a worldwide pandemic? A. A crowded church sanctuary. To the most tremendously devout folks: If you truly believe God himself put that grey thing inside that soccer-ball-shaped thing on … Continue reading IQ Test
Kill all cows. A simple solution to a multi-faceted problem. We have too many cows on this planet. There are the ones we provide vacancy for on acres of torched rainforest. There are the ones whose poop flows into the Mississippi. And there are the land behemoths that roam the aisles of our Wal-Marts. The … Continue reading Kill All Cows
The word, "retarded", has become dated and is considered "usually offensive". Well, I don't give a flying fuck because it is part of my regular parlance and I happen to like it just the way it is. But only when used on a deserving bi-ped. Being a "usually offensive" adjective (by Merriam-Webster's own definition), I … Continue reading Shockingly Retarded
Donning a screen-printed T with the message, "Santa ain't real" I grab my megaphone and head over to the shopping mall. I've steeled myself against the backlash I will receive, including any eviscerations from you people in the comment section. I'm heading to the most unholy den of sin. The shopping mall. Where scantily clad … Continue reading Telling Kids There is No Santa
Goddammit. I've been trying to get this hundred dollars in data charges fixed all week. I'm gonna have to call Heavenly Wireless again get this sorted out. Beep-boop-beep-beep-beep-boop-boop-beep-boop-boop-boop...Rrriiinnng...Rrriiinnng "You have reached Heavenly Wireless. This prayer may be monitored for wickedness, non-circumcised penises, wearing garments of two dissimilar fabrics, unclean food in the stomach, unclean thoughts … Continue reading What if your Cellphone Provider was Like Jesus?
If you get triggered by hopeless rants, please read on to experience the visceral feeling of anger.
What has two humps and did something really dumb for political gain?