IQ Test

Q. What is the most likely place to contract the coronavirus? A. A crowded church sanctuary. Q. What is the most unnecessary place to go during a worldwide pandemic? A. A crowded church sanctuary. To the most tremendously devout folks: If you truly believe God himself put that grey thing inside that soccer-ball-shaped thing on … Continue reading IQ Test

Kill All Cows

Kill all cows.  A simple solution to a multi-faceted problem.  We have too many cows on this planet.  There are the ones we provide vacancy for on acres of torched rainforest.  There are the ones whose poop flows into the Mississippi.  And there are the land behemoths that roam the aisles of our Wal-Marts. The … Continue reading Kill All Cows

What if your Cellphone Provider was Like Jesus?

Goddammit.  I've been trying to get this hundred dollars in data charges fixed all week.  I'm gonna have to call Heavenly Wireless again get this sorted out. Beep-boop-beep-beep-beep-boop-boop-beep-boop-boop-boop...Rrriiinnng...Rrriiinnng "You have reached Heavenly Wireless.  This prayer may be monitored for wickedness, non-circumcised penises, wearing garments of two dissimilar fabrics, unclean food in the stomach, unclean thoughts … Continue reading What if your Cellphone Provider was Like Jesus?